On Time
by Tirajm
Summary: A collections of vignettes on what time means for a selection of characters.
1. Circle

Time is a circle. This is not a new concept for you, you watch too much sci-fi for that, but it is not something you have ever had to think about before. And now you are having to think about it a lot, because you have just ran into the consequences of breaking the circle.

It makes sense, really, when you think about it. Because if you'd saved him, he would have been alive, and then you wouldn't have saved him and then he would be dead and then you would go back and save him… But you weren't thinking then. You were watching and you were acting, at the same time. And now, in trying to save one life, you have doomed many.

You are ashamed and scared, but you are too stubborn to admit it. You don't want him to think of you like that, and besides, you have not earned the right to be scared. You are the cause of this. You must accept the time that has gone by.

He is braver than you, you realize; he is willing to sacrifice himself, when you were not. But even knowing as you did of the circle, you still said goodbye to him. Even if he is dead, you want him to remember you.


	2. Mobius

Time is a Mobius loop. You can see that it must have two sides, but when you run your finger along it you go around both of them. Right now, you are sitting in the middle of the loop, on the bend, and you are trying not to think too hard about whether you are on the outside or the inside.

Part of you wonders where the loop started in the first place, what happened the first this all happened. Or maybe it doesn't work that way, maybe this is the first time, maybe there is only ever one time, because if there was a first, then what would have made there be a second?

You thought all of this while he floundered for an explanation, but you didn't say any of it aloud. You are not sure why. Maybe it is because this is his plan, and you are not going to hijack it. Maybe it is because despite all the things he knows, there are still some things he doesn't understand. Maybe it is because that is what he would say, that is what he is saying, and his role is the last one you want to play.

Maybe it is because you already know that you didn't.

And maybe that is how you decide that you just can't keep doing this.


	3. Quantum

Time is a circle _and_ a line, at the same time, except it isn't. Or maybe you should say that it's more of a quantum kind of thing, but then people don't really get quantum, either, do they? Which is stupid, because it's quite simple, really, you just have to think about it the right way. Which, you realize, is actually a lot like time, so maybe it's an even better metaphor than you first thought it was.

Time is sharp and bright and hot and beautiful, and for the first time ever you can really get a good look at it. But maybe you aren't meant to look at it, because now you are burning, and you can't think at all, except for a little part of you that knows only that it hurts and you don't want it to ever stop. And then the fires of your mind cool, and the cinders begin to start up again.

Time is a line, stupid. What else would it be?


	4. Ladder

Time is a ladder. You are climbing it and he is descending it, and for some reason you keep meeting in the middle. Or maybe it is the other way around. But whatever it is, you are going in opposite directions, and there is no way for either of you to stop.

It is harder like this, because he has only seen the things you have not seen, and you have only seen the things he hasn't. But you like a challenge, a puzzle, and maybe that is why you fell in love with him and started this whole crazy game in the first place.

It is when you tell her that you realize this isn't just a game. It is when she looks at you, unbelieving and afraid. She has shaped reality, she has dreamed an entire universe, and now she is realizing that she cannot save the most important thing of all. You are proof of that. You have already passed her on the ladder. Because, unlike everyone else, you are climbing it in the opposite direction, alone.


	5. Endless

Time is endless. You know this, because you have been waiting, for all this time, and there is still so much longer to wait. A year is a long time to wait. Ten years is a long time to wait. A hundred years is a long time to wait, and you will have to wait nearly two thousand before you can finally see her again.

You have a lot of time to think while you are waiting, and you spend most of it thinking of her. In some ways, there is not much else to think of – she has dominated your life for a long time, and much of it has been enigmatic, capricious. You are not even sure if she really loves you, except she keeps proving to you that she does. Sometimes you cannot tell if she wants to keep you close or drive you away. Sometimes you think it is both. There is a part of you, growing and then shrinking as the years, the decades, the centuries past, that cannot help thinking that all of this is because of her. You could have loved easier, safer, someone else. Anyone else.

You still think she is worth the wait.


	6. Yours

Time is. It always has been and it always will be, and you and she and it have been together for so long that sometimes you find it hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. You cannot quantify it or assign it a shape any more than you can sort the planets or number the galaxies.

And yet, even though it is part of you, you are still part of it, and thus subject to its rules. You may be its Lord, but that does not mean it holds no sway over you. You must advance, no matter how little you want to, and you can never really go back. And in time, things fade, and you have seen so many things fade by now it shouldn't hurt any more. And it still does.

But maybe that is good too, in some way. Because for all that you find joy and excitement in time, you also find pain and loss, and you are afraid, desperately afraid, that one day you will find neither.

But you try not to let this get to you, no matter how hard that may be. You have all the time in the world, and you are not going to waste it on the past.


End file.
